Barack and The Kenyan Weed Affair
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There’s so much ugliness going on in the world, and so many heavy issues going on in my personal life, I needed a break. So after seeing a photo of Rick Perry in a meeting with President Obama where Perry seems to be pouting like a child, it was so hilarious that I decided to build a purely fictional scenario around it to take my mind off things. So again, this story is completely fictional, it has no basis in either fact or reality, and is intended as a spoof of some of the idiotic scenarios that people like Rush Limbaugh and the Fox News organization try to pass off to the American people as truth. In fact, I’m surprised they haven’t beat me to it.
Kevin,Just between you and I, we get special reports in the hood about what’s going on in the White House, and according to those reports, the President just has one weakness - that damn Kenyan weed. It’s a throwback to when he was a kid. His relatives used to manage to get it in here to him when he was in college. And from what I understand, just before that meeting with Rick Perry, he got his hands on some, and I hear that shit is monstrous! Look at how everybody in the photo is grinnin.’ And from the look on Rick's face, he seems to be the only one who didn't get a hit - and the combination of that good Kenyan bush, and the look on Perry’s face, seems to have given the President a severe case of the "goofies." Personally, I think the President purposely bogarded. He just couldn’t bring himself to waste none of that good bush on Perry’s ignorant ass - and I don’t blame him.
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Now this may be an urban legend, but they tell me that Kenyan weed is twice as potent as any other weed in the world, because it’s grown in the wilderness and it has lion piss on it, and that seems to be substantiated by the President’s demeanor - the brother is crackin’ up! Similarly, the expression on Rick Perry’s face seems to suggest that he knows he missed out on something fabulous, because I’m sure the contact alone had Perry giddy and squirming in his seat just for one hit, but obviously, the President wasn’t having it.
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You see, Texas is right there on the Mexican border, so Perry knows some premo weed when he smells it. That Mexican weed been pissed on too, by coyotes - and coyote piss ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at either. And bein’ a Texan, Rick Perry knows his piss. But the most potent pissin’ coyote in the wilderness don’t hold a candle to lion piss, and Rick Perry knows that, that’s why he couldn’t wait to wrap his lips around that good, Kenyan weed. From what I understand, just the contact from that Kenyan shit will make the hairs fall out your nose, because a lion has some powerful piss. You can damn near start a Corvette with a gallon of lion piss. So that Kenyan weed is powerful! Check out the President - that shit got him crackin’ up!!! And another thing, when was the last time you saw a Kenyan that wasn’t smilin’?
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And if you think that’s something, check him out here - he completely took it to the next level. I couldn’t get my hands on the one where they said that shit had him thinkin’ he was Spider Man, but they tell me he was tryin’ to climb up the side of the White House wall, and then kept looking at his hands, tryin’ to figure out why his web wasn’t workin.’
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And a whole 5 hours later he went to a late afternoon lunch with Al Sharpton. Here he is gettin’ his grub on. That lion piss had him attackin’ that grub like a starvin’ werewolf. He scared the hell out of Al! Al said, "I was just hopin’ he got full, because I made up my mind that if he started lookin’ up at me I was gone haul ass. I ain’t never seen nothin’ like it - the brother was grubbin’ like a man who’d been stranded at sea for two weeks. .
So, like I said, that shit is bad. So bad, in fact, that the Secret Service added a special detail to make absolutely SURE the President couldn’t get his hands on nothing else that any lion, or anything else, might have pissed on. You know how you White folks are. You go overboard on everything. So once they made the connection between the weed and the lion piss, they forgot all about the weed - they're used to people gettin' wasted in the White House; George Washington even had a plant or two at Mt. Vernon - they started focusing on the piss. Now they’ve gone on a mission to make sure that the President doesn’t consume anything that might have been pissed on.
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That's right - they done made piss a national security issue. They even had a Hazmet detail wearing those white jumpsuits sniffin’ the collard greens in the White House galley. I guess they figure if lion piss can make the President trip-out like he did, God forbid what might happen if some crack-smokin', socialist hood rat piss on the presidential collard greens! So now they’re growing ALL White House vegetables in a $22 million, specially constructed, hydroponic garden with round the clock guards, just because the President got ahold of some good weed. No wonder the poor people are starvin’ to death! .
In addition, they put out a special memo to everybody on the White House staff that said, in no uncertain terms, that anybody who sneaks anymore of that shit into the White House is gonna be dragged down to the basement, and the Pentagon is gonna send in a special team of Navy Seals just to kick their Black ass. Then they’re gonna send ‘em to Guantanamo Bay and let ‘em chill a few months with Adul the Booty Bomber. But after giving it some consideration they thought better of it, and redacted the "Black ass" part. But it was clear who they suspected of gettin’ the President high. Things never change. It’s always us. How do they know some White, weed-smokin’ attache from the State Department didn’t bring that shit in?
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But when all is said in done, I’d just like to know one thing. What pissed on that shit that Bush and Cheney was smokin - it must have been something we thought was extinct, or maybe it was the Koch brothers.
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So those are the facts - at least, according to the hood rat grapevine. But I’ve got to run, my man - I promised to take my woman to the zoo. By the way, you wouldn't happen to have a bucket around here somewhere, would you?
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Eric L. Wattree
Http://wattree.blogspot.com
Ewattree@Gmail.com
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Citizens Against Reckless Middle-Class Abuse (CARMA) .
Religious bigotry: It's not that I hate everyone who doesn't look, think, and act like me - it's just that God does.