The Wattree Chronicle: ABOUT ALL THIS PRAYIN’ AND CHURCH-IFYIN’

Saturday, February 17, 2018

ABOUT ALL THIS PRAYIN’ AND CHURCH-IFYIN’

Beneath the Spin * Eric L. Wattree

ABOUT ALL THIS PRAYIN’ AND CHURCH-IFYIN’
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TO EVANGELICALS:
IF YOUR GOD IS NOT TELLING YOU
TRUMP IS AN EVIL-MINDED LUNATIC,
YOU’RE TALKING TO THE WRONG PERSON.

Wait a minute, lady, you just called me a “demonic lunatic!” Now, you know that wasn't very Christian of you, now, don’t you? We can't just be Christian when we want to be. So, tell me, whatever happened to that “Turning the other cheek”, and "Judge ye not” that you’re always talkin’ about? But now that you don't like my political position your Christian love seems to have flown right out the window, hasn’t it?
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You see, there are two kinds of people who claim to be Christians, the first are the hypocrites, of which you seem to be a charter member. These people are Christian in flappin’ lips and spewin' Bible verses only. They love to go around spewing the Bible and criticizing others as they casually go about their lives molesting children, exploiting the weak, and grabbing the genitals of the opposite sex. Such people place genuine Christians in a bad light. Genuine Christians generally keep their mouths shut and simply live their faith - all five of them.
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But what this is really about is that you called me a demonic lunatic because I don't like Donald Trump. Now, the jury is still out on whether or not I’m a lunatic, but I don’t have to worry about all that demonic nonsense, because I'm not a Christian so I don’t believe in demons. So, you see, I'm free to say what's REALLY on my mind instead of trying to fool God by lyin' to him. I don't have to try to cover up bigotry and hatred of everybody who doesn't look, think, and act like me by claiming to love Trump because I want America to be great again. God knows what's you’re thinking. He knows that you only love Trump because he's helping you to make America evil and racist again. So you fake Christians better hope like hell that God's not at Heaven's gate asking questions to see whether you'll try to lie to him or not, because if he is, all he'd have to ask you is one question, "Do you REALLY believe in walking dead men, talkin' snakes, and loving your neighbor?" If he does, you're all going to Hell for lyin'.
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You people are evil, and destroying this country. While you’re running around talking about how much you love Jesus, you’re robbing, murdering, stealing, and creating absolute chaos all over the world. You've slaughtered over a 100 million Native Americans, and no telling how many Black people. So I mean, really, do you really think God is actually gonna let your hypocritical, lyin’, self-righteous asses into Heaven!!!? Not on your life. In fact, it would be impossible for one very simple and logical reason - because with you in Heaven, it would turn Heaven into Hell for everyone else. Who would want to sit around listenin’ to Pat Robertson lyin' throughout eternity? That would be more than even God could take.
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But I ain’t just singling you White folks out. We have some very tiresome Black Christians as well - but I also blame you for that, because you’re the ones who taught ‘em to be lyin', greedy hypocrites. For that reason, Black Christians are gonna have a very unique problem in Heaven. Since there's nowhere in Heaven to buy a big car, and T.D Jakes won't be able to find nowhere to buy his tailor-made fugadoo suits, they ain’t gonna be able to find nobody willing to preach.